I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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