There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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