Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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