two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
