Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
