my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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