I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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