Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize