Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
