I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize