Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
