I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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