Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
