meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
