do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize