Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Please, let me fuck your mom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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