you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
