You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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