her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
