You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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