I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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