I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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