the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
