We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
