I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
