my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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