We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
