Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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