Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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