he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
