Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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