I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
