Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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