ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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