So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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