remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
