We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
