I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize