Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize