I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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