grandma shit on top of the toilet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
