doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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