The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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