we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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