Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
