she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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