If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
