Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
