Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
