my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
