i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
