Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
