i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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