so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
