he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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