oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
