I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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