Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
