so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
