woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
