I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
