He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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