She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
