i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
