When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
