There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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