I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize