It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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