You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize